#12

I found myself when I stepped on the porch and smelled the grass, the clean air and the country. I found  myself again and again when the sun hit my face and I looked at everything that is mine. When I heard the breathing of my Bulldog or the sound of husband fixing the sink again. I found myself when I stopped feeling jealous. I found myself when I believed I deserved a life this good. I found myself when I sunk deep into my high and felt the stress of the day melt off. I found myself when I realized my life is exactly how I want it. I found myself when I made my own decisions. I found myself when I accomplished great things. I found myself when I was afraid. I found myself when I loved someone above my self-interest. I found peace when I realized it wasn’t all for nothing. I found myself when you started to grow.

I will find myself when I see you and smell you and love you and hate you. I will find myself when I am confused and happy and empty and full.  I will find myself when I become a mom.

Little Asshole,

I sometimes feel that things are too good. I often worry that it never just ends up working out for some people. I have worked so long and hard to be at this exact moment in time… so blessed and so scared. Sometimes I have to look back at how I got here and how I finally found what I was looking for.

-Found

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