Little asshole,

Order is slowly restoring in what will soon be your new home. Although the remodel is a mess there is an end in sight and it will look fresh, clean and beautiful for your arrival (in T-minus 6 months by the by). Got the most excited I’ve probably been to date while looking at pinterest baby décor boards yesterday, for some reason I think you’re a boy and am already preplanning your inevitable swag. You are going to reside in my office/your nursery at first and of course in our bedroom in your infancy. Husband sleeps in the guest room a lot, no we are not having marital issues…however, we sleep better alone and your father has an absurd sleep schedule due to swings shifts at work. You and I will co-habitat two rooms of the house so husband can continue bro’ing out in the guest room. I’m assuming all he does in there is sleep… I joke ; )

Speaking of adult activities … I sexually “assaulted” your father this morning for the first time in weeks. I’m not trying to be a bad wife but between nausea, exhaustion, the stomach flu and utter distain for any smell or touch… sex, has been literally the LEAST of my concern lately. You won’t understand the strain this puts on a marriage for many years to come, but I’ll just go ahead and say that this first trimester has probably been equally as unpleasant for your father as it has for me, in totally different ways. I don’t want to prematurely celebrate but I’ve been feeling better this week (as evidenced by my sudden marital urges) and I’m truly hoping it’s a trend and the second trimester is going to deliver some relief.

Anyway, feeling neutral about you today. I am excited to see what you look like. I hope you have my nose and your dads lips (well, my lips are pretty great too but that is post 2 syringes of juvaderm later). I hope you can spell like him and hustle like me. I hope you’re not a bully. I hope you rescue birds and cry when you disappoint us. I want you to be sensitive but not a pussy. I hope you’re a boy. Try to pull this one out wouldja??!

-My boobs feel like low hanging fruit


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