Dear Asshole,

I’m over people. I’m over my “friends” … I’m marrying your father in 3 weeks and I’ve been forced into a bachelorette party trip that I didn’t want in the first place. Maybe my lackluster attitude is why several friends have cancelled which of course makes me mad even though I didn’t even particularly want them to come. Don’t worry asshole; I’m not always this neurotic. It’s going to be all your aunts… ya, 4 of your aunts and 1 good friend which honestly will be a good group of bitches. I think I’m just ready for my life to move to the next phase, I’ve beat this level over and over again (with bonus points) and feel restless for the wedding to come and go. I want my life with your father to kick off; I can’t wait to call him my husband. He’s a tricky guy; we’ve been through some shit. But I can tell you one thing, you’ll be the safest little asshole, he’ll protect you, provide for you and love you (even though he might not tell you every day) and he’ll most likely be the nice parent between us. I hope you appreciate him and that I continue to as well. So, here we go. I went to the liquor store, I’ve packed my clothes and I’ve fired off some peppy texts to the bitches.

-what it do.


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